IRL [ALFRED]

[Eduard von Bock]

IRL [ALFRED F. JONES]

It was hard to focus anymore.

His planner was left unwritten in for the remainder of the week after he had woken from the sleep of denial and ignorance. The veil had been shed and with it, the prospect of feeling safe... feeling normal and typical. With no written account and a mind drifting elsewhere, he stirred from his couch, a phone lying on his chest and several empty cans of cheap beer littered around the coffee table. Wincing to the iridescent light playing with shadows through the window as the sun fell over the horizon, Eduard reached for the phone. The screen brightened at his touch and displayed the time.

8:16.

His expression was dull, the numbers digging into the back of his memory as being somehow important, but he couldn't remember exactly how until he opened his messages and panic settled in once again. He was finally going to meet Roger. That was today and he overslept until fifteen minutes past their scheduled time. He only intended to sleep for an hour after work. How did this happen? He was still in a disheveled suit and, as he made his way to the bathroom, noticed the huge bags under his eyes when he passed the hallway mirror. Great. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks and lived on the streets.

Moving quickly, he nearly sprinted to his bedroom, toothbrush jammed in his mouth. Trying to dig through his mess of a floor for a clean T-shirt proved to be more of a challenge than he imagined, as for the first time in a while, he actually cared about how he expressed himself in a casual situation. Shifting through a pile of clothes, he found a clean t-shirt from a music festival five years ago. Kerli had bought it for him since he refused to get a souvenir outside of overpriced food and drink. The memory was dear, and with those good intentions held within the fabric, he decided arbitrarily that it was good luck and carelessly removed the symbol of his fear in favor of one for safety.

He had stumbled on the way to the French style bar, his running drawing a few looks. Eduard didn't care much. This meet up had been two weeks in the making. Honestly, he and Roger talked at least twice a week and he was surprised that he didn't figure out that his online friend of two years lived in the same city. Or, that he didn't tell him. Well, Roger was someone to be trusted and he gave him the benefit of the doubt. The conversation didn't ever come up and he himself had only brought up where he was studying once or twice when they first met over some new MMO that had ended up closing down a year after. At that point, they still only knew each other by online aliases. Everything was a blur then.

The amount of force that he put into getting ready was put into opening the door and, much to Eduard's growing embarrassment, it hit the wall and drew immediate attention to him. All those eyes focused on him for a moment, and his world temporarily fell apart. Eyes were on him whenever something awful happened. They were on him when there was nothing but the smell of blood and pitiful cries for help. Those cries were recent; from Monday. They felt inescapable and he squeezed his eyes shut to block it all out. However, it was only a split second of focus with the world collapsing around him, before the attention was dropped, leaving a pained weight on his chest and a weird blurring between reality and the echos he heard inside his head.

Fear and panic blended with the humiliation of making even the slightest scene, and he choked down the urge to cry by pressing his hands firmly into the wall until the weight off his chest lifted and he could breathe again.

He was late. He was so late.

Eduard had to swallow his own nightmares and bury them again because no one could know; especially someone he considered a friend. As much as his excitement boiled down to having someone to talk to, he couldn't. There was nothing personal about it; he was sworn to secrecy and never realized the implications of that until he "woke up" to the pitiful cries and all the damage he had done caught up to him. With that crushing hopelessness of the double life he never intended to lead, he tried smiling and waved at the young man at the bar of whom he was sure was Roger. After all, they had webcammed while gaming frequently enough. He was so thankful for his glasses because he was no actor. He had been painfully informed of that for the remainder of the week. Just one good night was all he needed. One good night.

"H...Hey? Wow? It's crazy that we're actually meeting in person."

Still several meters away, he took a deep breath to clear his head, and took the bar seat next to his friend. All he wanted was a night away from his thoughts, and having a welcoming presence helped him immensely.

"Sorry I'm late. Work is killing me." Yawning a bit louder than he needed, he ordered a shot for himself and looked expectantly at his companion. "This'll be on my tab, so uh... just... get what you want? I... uh... accidentally fell asleep? I've just... barely slept this week. Oh my God." Trying so desperately to force himself into the moment, he laughed. It would have to suffice, no matter how strained it was and despite the fact that he was on the verge of tears. "Can't believe it's been two years since FreedomBoy50 joined my guild. I just..." He had to compose himself. "I'm just so happy to finally meet you."

And with that, the smile melted into something honest and sincere; like for just a few moments, he could be safe.

aeron at thq

[Alfred F. Jones]

it's a

revolution

Word count: 1459

Tags: Eduard von Bock

Notes: Sorry this took a while!

Alfred sighed as he adjusted his shirt again, with some difficulty. It'd been, what? A month and a half since he'd been shot? And even so, Alfred still struggled in putting on his clothes while wearing a sling.

He looked good. Put together. At least, as put together as he had been since he'd left Gilbert's house. He'd even gone to the latest FF meeting, had briefly caught Gilbert's eye before looking away. They still had yet to talk, seeing as Alfred had assigned another FF member to help Gilbert out.

Alfred sighed and ran a hand through his hair. If he was honest, there was a part of him that desperately wanted to talk to Gilbert again. But that wasn't an option, so he needed to get Gilbert out of his head and focus on what he could do.

Alfred was starved of company. It had been...difficult, adjusting to being alone again. Especially after the insomnia kicked back in. Not that Alfred had admitted that to anyone other than Leon (and Leon only because the man was his doctor and surprisingly good at weaseling things out of Alfred). A month was a long time to go without any real human interaction. It was just Alfred and his PT and the occasional conversation with Greg. It was lonely and boring and made Alfred ache for the sight of Gilbert at his door.

Which was why two weeks ago he'd proposed finally meeting up with Ed. Eduard, but apparently he preferred Ed. The way Alfred had first met Ed had been innocent enough. Purely for Alfred's own entertainment really, a way to take his mind off of all the other crap he had to deal with on a regular basis. Video games were his salvation and his refuge and ever since Alfred had recovered enough to keep himself in reasonable shape, Alfred had gone back online. He'd grudgingly admitted that he couldn't really play any of the games that required more dexterity, but being able to talk to people, even if just over the internet, was an unbelievable relief.

He looked fine. Acceptable. Minus the sling, but Alfred already knew what he was going to say about that. He should probably be wearing something better, maybe an actual button-down, but buttoning things was hard with just one hand. Alfred had tried.

Alfred left the apartment early, because he didn't want to stay in the flat. He turned on the alarm systems. A new alarm system, one that he'd had redone. He locked the door. Checked it twice. Then finally, he'd left the flat.

They were meeting at a bar, one that Alfred had visited a few times, but not often. It was somewhere where no one would think of looking for him, which was good. Still, as Alfred walked into the elevator, he felt anxiety run through him.

Couldn't stay in the apartment, couldn't leave the apartment. Wonderful.

He just needed to be careful, and everything would be fine. Maybe the man was dead, and Alfred simply didn't know. Maybe it'd been covered up. Maybe. Maybe.

It was hope that Alfred clung onto but didn't entirely believe. He wasn't lucky. Hell, maybe he was cursed or something. Not that Alfred believed in curses, but sometimes he felt that way. He couldn't get anything right. Not Matthew, not Ludwig, not Gil... Alfred screwed everything up. Everything and everyone.

...He shouldn't be meeting Ed.

The realization sent a wave of panic through Alfred. He shouldn't be meeting Ed. He should go home right now, say he was sick, call and cancel. He shouldn't be meeting Ed. He shouldn't be meeting anyone. He should go home and work from home and stay at home. At home the only one that got hurt was Alfred. Ed was a good guy, a nice guy, he didn't deserve to get tangled up with the mess that was Alfred.

You can't cancel on him either.

It's for the best.

Like walking out on Gilbert was for the best?

...It's for the best.

The elevator dinged as he reached the lobby. Alfred hesitated.

He couldn't do this. Not to Ed. He had left early, there was enough time to cancel.

Alfred jammed the button for his floor again and watched the elevator doors slide shut.

He leaned against the wall of the elevator heavily. What the hell was he doing? He should be working on the FF. Looking for Maëlle. Figuring out what the hell happened with Matthew since Alfred had seen him last. That was all Alfred had time for in his life. The FF was his life's work. That was it.

That was all Alfred had. That was all Alfred could have.

The elevator doors opened.

Alfred stared at the hallway. The same hallway he always saw. And as much as he loved his apartment, as much effort and time and love he'd put into making the place home, right now he hated it. Hated the stairs to his bedroom and the monitor screens on his desk and the plump cushions on the couch and the big glass windows that let in the light. Hated it all, hated this hallway, hated everything and anything he had seen in the last month and a half.

The elevator doors closed.

Despite some delays, both from Alfred's insistence on walking to the bar and the whole elevator situation, Alfred arrived almost precisely on time. A quick scan around the bar told Alfred that Ed wasn't there. Which was good. That meant Alfred had some time.

He found a seat at the bar quickly and ordered a bourbon before looking around again. Not for the first time, Alfred wished he knew what the man looked like. He'd collected a blood sample, sent it off to some sketchy guy ten blocks away, and picked up the results a few weeks ago.

Nothing. Nothing in any criminal database across the world.

Alfred sipped his bourbon, the burn of the alcohol helping him calm down. He was fine. Ed was fine. They were just meeting up, and that was good. There was nothing wrong with that.

Ed was also late. Alfred ordered another bourbon, swirling the dark amber liquid around in his glass before downing it. Where was Ed? Was he okay? What if something had happened? Alfred's lines were secure, he was almost certain, but maybe someone had hacked in, maybe...

Then the man walked in.

Alfred's face momentarily flooded with relief before he composed himself. He grinned at Ed, before waving at him with his right hand.

"Hey! I was getting worried...but now you're here so that's good." Alfred smiled warmly at the man, the relief of seeing Ed safe mixing with the alcohol to help Alfred relax. "Don't worry about being late...I work weird hours sometimes so I know how iffy it can get."

Alfred took in Ed's appearance fully. He looked, from what Alfred had seen of him standing, shorter than Alfred. A fairly average height. Up close it was easier to see the bags under Ed's eyes, especially when he yawned. Alfred had never really inquired about Ed's job. He was fairly certain it had something to do with IT, but beyond that, Alfred really didn't have much of an idea. It wasn't crucial knowledge. Though perhaps it should be, Alfred did like to know all the facts after all...

...This was Ed. Alfred could trust Ed.

I'll take a shot with you. And I can get the next round," Alfred offered, before ordering a shot of tequila. He really shouldn't get drunk tonight, probably slow down on the drinking. He hadn't had much in the past month, and Alfred forgot if Leon told him whether or not he was allowed. Oh well. It probably wouldn't kill him.

"I am too! I can't believe we didn't do this earlier." Actually, Alfred could believe they hadn't, given his paranoia. "Man, it seems like it's been forever..." Alfred smiled at Ed sheepishly. "Can't say I meet too many of my online friends...but it's crazy that we live in the same city and have never bumped into each other. Can't tell if that makes this a small world or not."

Being with Ed had a familiarity to it, one that made Alfred relax. This was okay. He could do this. He could be a geek and talk tech and just...be himself. And talking to people...talking to people was nice. Alfred was not meant to be cramped up in an apartment for days without any human contact.

The bartender returned with their glasses along with some salt and a lime. Alfred tapped the salt onto his hand before raising the shot to Ed. "How about a toast?" he grinned. "It's about time."

i suppose

by Worldie for Leia