Broken Dreams {Ivan}

[Deleted]

I'm an Animal

I wish I could give you my love and my soul,
but inside my chest there is nobody home.

She could recall everything about that day, the number of tears wept into the pillow down to the booming voice of her father downstairs. Demanding to know where his son had wandered off to. Like she would know? Why would she, a little girl who'd been pretending to enjoy another day at school, have knowledge on where her brother had gone and why he decided to leave without informing anyone? The idea was absurd. Though at the time she doubted anyone in that household was thinking clearly. A father was left to deal with the sudden disappearance of a child, forcing him to come up with an explanation for the two sisters left behind. An elder sister was left to worry about the whereabouts and well-being of her little brother, while the little sister found herself alone in the world. Okay, perhaps that wasn't entirely true as she had Katyusha; however, Ivan had always been the one she felt closest too.

Yes, she could get clingy when it came to Ivan, and while she had the oddest thoughts of marrying him when younger Natalya truly cared for him. He was, after all, her big brother. She adored him, he was the one she could look up to and admire after the passing of their mother. And then he was gone.

Weeks after his departure the little girl had woken up screaming in bed, crying that something horrid must have happened to him. That perhaps she'd done something wrong and that was why he'd abandoned them. Yes, abandoned. Natalya honestly believed Ivan had abandoned them, that he was living happily somewhere and would soon forget all about the family he couldn't even bring himself to say goodbye to. She wasn't sure which thought stung worse. The fact her brother was gone and she was left not knowing if she'd ever see him, or the fact he might not even be bothered to miss them and could live his life happy knowing there'd be no need to bother with them. As a child, the wound cut deep. It would only grow deeper and fester into hatred and rage as she grew older; wiser. After learning, or suspecting their father was the main reason behind his departure, Natalya was left with feelings she couldn't properly convey.

Anger.

Hatred.

These emotions were the driving force behind her actions.

Currently she was breaking every speed limit known to man, taking dangerously sharp turns around corners upon reaching them before continuing to speed down the road. Information was part of her job, from time to time it entailed her glancing over the documents and paperwork from all the government and city employees currently residing in Archadia. It was through this that she happened across a name she'd never be able to wipe from her memory. A name she'd know anywhere. Ivan Braginsky, her older brother. Who would have thought they'd end up meeting here of all places? Though she wondered why they'd never met before this moment--and took the fact she rarely ever left home unless bribed or dragged as a possibility. Cerulean hues were alight with a dangerous glint, hands tightening on the steering wheel to the point one would fear it snapping in two underneath the pressure.

This meeting should have brought her joy, relief that her brother was safe and sound. Her heart clearly had other agendas, because all she felt was a fiery rage. Consuming her until all that remained was a scorned woman, hell-bent on getting answers from the man who abandoned her and her sister those many years ago.The car came to a screeching halt, if he was home there'd be no way to miss such a sound before the slamming of a car door quickly followed. Why, she was going about this so quickly she nearly forgot to take the key out of the ignition. Was it rage that drove her body to the door, allowing fists slamming against the wooden frame in frantic desperation.

"Старший брат, я знаю, что Вы находитесь в там!" She didn't, but that was the furthest thing from her mind at this moment.

"Иван," she shouted, fist banging against the door one last time. Resting there as short bursts of burning sensations flooded through, the pain behind the force of her hits finally come to fruition as she calmed enough to feel something other than anger and desperation. If he wasn't home she'd look like a fool, but she couldn't find it in herself to care about anything other than the fact this was his house. That she was so close to reuniting with her brother, so very close...to answers she'd been seeking for years.

---

Старший брат, я знаю, что Вы находитесь в там - Big brother, I know you're in there!
Иван - Ivan

Tags; #I tried to angst you, did I succeed brother dear? 
Word Count; 781
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

[Deleted]

words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup

T

he day had so far panned out like any other. There was always that desolate sort of feel to the air whenever he woke, roused from a most likely vague and troublesome dream to face the clearer morning. As per usual, Ivan woke early enough that the sky just barely shone its lights of dawn. The sun would not quite be fully risen, and the light that did slip through the curtains of his window was dimmed. He was not lazy in the mornings, but the many hours ahead of him provided a great opportunity for that - there was not much he had to do until his work shift would come.

His house was always silent, save for the ticking of a clock or two and the noises that he made. That had grown so common to him that he often didn't notice any of it - it was all faded into the background, to the back of his mind, much like all awareness and recognition that he was all on his own here. At least he did have enough here to keep his mind positive. He had all of his nesting dolls and flowers to look at - those that looked lively, anyway - as if they were all a little collection of souls.

He knew he had an old picture of his family stored somewhere, but that was more laborious to see. Because it was not in clear sight, thoughts of his family were not often present. Sometimes, but not every day. He couldn't tell whether or not that was a beneficial thing. He would like to know where they were and how they were doing (save for his father), but their memory felt so far away, so out of reach that it was harsh on him to remember. Having another connection like that seemed impossible.

Dawn crept to a bright and frigid morning, morning into an overcast afternoon. He had just finished perusing the newspaper for today, hoping, as usual, to see that nothing was amiss. No rebels or protests or problems involving the Underground. Everything did seem in order, so to speak - nothing major occurred, and that was good. Perhaps he would visit again soon. His rate of success in finding mutants that like him seemed to have been climbing.

He was carrying a mug of tea out of the kitchen when he heard the car screeching. Ivan paused, glancing languidly over his shoulder, and wondered why those tires sounded so close to him. The slam of a door then followed, and he might as well have been lead to believe there was nearly an accident out there. No one would be coming to visit him in such a rush like that... 

The thought of it fleeted him as he went to advance forward. He should have went closer and looked out the window, but he didn't think this was something he should worry about. Just as his mind was coming off of it, that pound against his door caught him off guard. He jolted, nearly dropping that mug of tea with a sloppy slosh of its contents. The hot liquid did not feel pleasant on his hands, but he had absolutely no time to react to that.

"Старший брат, я знаю, что Вы находитесь в там!"

Everything else might as well just have faded into nonexistence. 

His breath rushed out in an audible sound. The mug in his hands was warm, but the rest of him was running cold. The color had rushed from his face and his limbs suddenly felt weightless, as if all heat had fled from his body and left behind a trail of prickling anxiety.

Ivan heard his name and startled again, revamping a second burst of fear throughout his body. The alarmed sound that left his lips he could only describe as a loss for proper words. That was undeniably his sister and one of the last people that he would expect to stumble upon on any given day, and the mere sound of her voice - powerful and dripping like venom, not at all as he once knew it - was enough to send Ivan's mind sprawling back to memories he thought he could be at peace with.

The desperation he had felt to get himself away. The apologies and goodbyes he foolishly never brought himself to say. All of those impulses and all of that violence... but there were good memories, weren't there? If it hadn't been for the pounding on his door and the rapid thudding of his heart it brought him to, he might have been able to dwell on those.

But he had little time, and everything was flooding in and closing around him at once.

Something in him was cowardly. He couldn't bring himself to go and open that door immediately. He looked frantically down at the mug he had been so tightly clutching, watching as the dark liquid visibly shook in his grasp. He turned aside to place it down on the living room table, looking forward to his room that waited just several feet in front of him. That felt like such a safe haven compared to where he was standing at that moment.

Not facing her would just make matters viciously worse, he imagined. This started and there wasn't any way it would end now. Had he always thought this day would eventually come? He already was the coward for not going out and looking for his remaining family himself. He couldn't even be sure whether it was just Natalya out there. It was possible she brought the other sister along as well. That proved only to be a more strenuous thought.

Ivan brought his hand down to absently wipe the tea he spilled off on his pants. Still his cold fingers were trembling. His body turned and he moved toward the door that was standing as the sole barrier between himself and Natalya, the reunion that had been put off for... for years, wasn't it, now? So many years...

It felt as if reality crashed again when Ivan opened the door. She was clearly livid and looking ready to charge at him, which made Ivan want to naturally stand his ground - but he reluctantly willed himself to take whatever it was Natalya had to unleash on him. 

He opened the door wide enough to allow her in, dropping his hand away from the doorknob. He could tell by his peripheral vision that she had not brought anyone along with her, but he couldn't quite be sure if that was certain. Some neighbors were certainly growing curious about this scene. "D-Da, Natalya.."

If only they were young again when he said her name, back at home with mother. This was his home now, but suddenly it did not feel right. He felt a knot growing in his throat, eyes watering with an unwanted yet inescapable threat of tears.

Word Count: 1,144
Tags: @snowqueen
Notes: maybe u.u

by worldie for jen