Dee's Angst Corner

[Hamish A. Stuart]

Where I'm going to post all of my cruel idea of what I want to do in the future or just the awful ideas that come to mind.

Childhood 3-4
Being the oldest (or at least so far of the kids) Hamish didn't understand why his parents never seemed to be able to supply enough food for all of them but after always being told he's suppose to take care of his younger siblings he often gave some if not all of his food to the younger siblings living in the home. Even as a child he wanted to be their hero and would give up anything if he saw them smile. His mother always called the younger siblings her angels giving Hamish little attention. By taking care of "mommy's angels" he hoped that she would call him one of her angels but that day never came.



WoT 4-13:
Hamish seeing that he had to have done something wrong during his childhood he rejects all social lessons he had learned being WoT. All the other kids think he looks weird because he's so pale and has red hair. After discovering how dangerous his powers are the caretakers are forbidden from allowing him to go outside. Kids tease him daily to the point that he cries and begin to form imaginary friends in order to have someone to talk to. Every time Hamish tries to join games the kids ask the caretaker to play outside leaving Hamish standing at the window watching them all laugh and play while he's alone. Even the caretaker would ignore him after he tried to stab one that touched him.


During his first year of WoT thoughts of being the reason his mom gave him up plague him making him curse himself and wish that he was a better child. He sobs all night keeping roommates awake and sometimes leading to them beating him up to silence his ugly sobs. Having secretly expected a birthday present when he turned four Hamish formed a belief that this was all punishment for being a selfish child.


Before being sold his mother always told him how hideous he was and cursed him for looking just like his father minus having her eyes and thick eyebrows. This partnered with children always teasing him for his looks caused a sense of self loathing to form. When allowed he'd often weep seeing his own reflection. One time going far enough to take any sharp object he could find and cut away chunk after chunk of his thick red locks. Tears stained his face as he tried to remove any trace of the red hair from his head. Instead of making things better kids began to snicker at his choppy hair. None dared to get close in fear of being attack yet mocked the small ginger for his odd looks.
Once again trying to hide the color he was teased for during arts and crafts his small hands took black paint working it through the hair. He believed he could hide the color and finally be accepted by the other children. Hearing a shriek a caretaker ripped the paint away scolding him for wasting it and making a mess. Being sent away to be punished he could hear all the other kids laughing. They would never accept him no matter how he tried to change him.

[Hamish A. Stuart]

Tino Väinämöinen

So far Ivan is the first human to show Hamish true kindness, this causes Hamish to develop feelings for Ivan believing that the Russian would make him happy and treat him more than how he was treated in the underground. Upon finding Ivan kissing someone else he feels like all the butterflies in his stomach had their wings ripped off. In the end Hamish feels that he should have know better and beats himself up claiming that if his own mother couldn't love him he would never find love.

After being thrown back to the underground he doesn't have Mat or Gil to open up to so Hamish spills how hurt and foolish he was to Tino causing the two to cry together. Years of keeping things bottled up the tears won't stop. His hurt never was shared with his two friends in fear that they would feel awful for leaving.

Guards decide to give Tino a new job and have him punish Hamish to one of moments of lashing out at the guards. Whip in hand Tino can't hurt Hamish after seeing the ginger open up to him. Sensing this hesitation Hamish decides he owes Tino and blames himself for giving the Finnish man the potential to be in trouble. Using shadows in the small man's sleeve he forces the arm to bring down the whip delivering blow after blow. Pain causes him to grunt and bite his lip but even with his skin being shredded with each strike he knows at least Tino wouldn't be punished for not listening to the guards. After all Hamish knows it's always his own fault.

[Hamish A. Stuart]

@albinobitch and @lalala145

Before every auction Hamish prays to God asking that they both be able to find a good home that will allow them to live the life they deserve and forget about the trash he is left back in the underground. When either are bought he tries to act like he doesn't care that they are leaving but deep down panic begins to form as he realizes he will be alone. Each time one of his two friends return before their contract is up part of him panics worried they returned knowing he was starting to break left alone for the lengthy period of time. If either were to visit the underground during their contract Hamish would snap at them and try to convey a feeling of disgust by seeing them. After they leave he would probably sob he would be happy knowing they have no reason to want to return to him.

If Mathias was to never return or see him against Hamish would believe the guards in that he is no more than a quick fuck that will never find love. While being thought of as such hurts the ginger he would rather all mutants believe him to be such instead of respecting or caring for him.

Hamish believes everyone would be happier if he were to die.

[Hamish A. Stuart]

After finally being purchased his eyes catch sight of a woman he thinks looks familiar. Sneaking away for a moment he sees the woman is his mother. Childish hope builds and he calls out to the woman. Maybe she saw the error of her ways! Looking up at Hamish with disgust she asks who he is. Upon saying his name she scoffs claiming none of her child would be a filthy mutant. He failed to receive her love once more...

[Hamish A. Stuart]

Headcanon for Hamish from Manor of Fate

Scotland: From the beginning Scotland always admired Ireland, something about his brother made the young Scotsman want nothing more than to be the one to make his brother happy. At this young age someone explained to him that it was wrong to love your siblings as he loved Ireland making him feel disgust with himself for not separating love for family and love for a partner. Soon after Scotland began to date men that resembled Ireland in hopes they would be able to find someone that could replace the man he could never have. Over time as he would get to know the man, Hamish would fall in love and no longer see any resemblance to his brother, no instead he saw them as who they were. Given enough time he would present each of these men with a wedding ring, their names along with the date when they became a couple engraved on the inside of both their rings. Everything given to him by the man was treasured and stored away to protect it from age. Somewhere hidden in his house remains the protected presents and love letters given to him by each lover, all kept in marked boxes and albums so he can always remember everything the two did. No matter what age the men would reach he found himself seeing the young gentleman who first stole his heart. Not wanting to ever forget he hired countless artist to capture the man’s beauty with him by their side, as technology advanced he moved to taking countless pictures every time the two met. When time stole the man away he would give their body one final kiss and add their rings to a chain he wore around his neck after having the man’s ring engraved with his death date. The chain was meant to show that no matter what they would always be his husband even if he moved on, he would never forget them and he would always be married to them.

[Hamish A. Stuart]

My full Ivan buying Hamish idea

Since Ivan is the first person to be kind to Hamish without being related or sleeping with him I could imagine Hamish having kind of a crush on Ivan. Currently not sure if it's a real crush or just Hamish confusing why someone would be nice to him. If he was bought I could see slowly the crush growing more and more to the point when he sees Ivan his heart races and he gets butterflies just from hearing Ivan talk. One day he seems Ivan kissing someone, be it a sister or just a friend doesn't matter, but seeing Ivan with someone else it breaks Hamish's heart causing him to start believing more that mutants aren't worthy of being loved by humans. In his upset he'd go to the bathroom and have a break down telling his reflection to look like who he saw with Ivan so he can make Ivan happy. Being overly angry at himself his powers act up reacting to his anger causing then to harm himself a bit but not wanting anyone to know he bandages the wounds and hides them. From then on he starts cleaning and being extra behaved trying to trick himself into believing things can change. Telling himself if he's good Ivan will want him like the other person. During the time he no longer will look at Ivan's face due to still feeling butterflies every time he does. Potentially going so far he starts calling Ivan master or sir.

[Hamish A. Stuart]

@iceicebaby:

After going through his room his parents find the pictures of Norway before the Norwegian was taken away and wait on the couch for Iceland to return home they tell him Norway is no longer part of the family and make him watch as they throw the pictures into the fire. He's forced to sit there and watch as the fire melts away his brother's face, the flames wipe the earth clean of the once smiling face of his big brother. Before the flames die Norway's birth certificate is thrown into the flames erasing it from existence. Turning to the young boy they tell him to forget because his brother is nothing more than a failure that deserves to be forgotten.

[Hamish A. Stuart]

During his childhood the freckles were often teasing sometimes leading to strong mutants pinning him to the floor and use markers to play connect the dots with the marks. No matter how much he tried for the others to stop the caretakers would tell Hamish to stop being mean to the other children. He was the one being cruel from what the caretakers saw. When given the chance Hamish dug through the woman's purse and stealing makeup his found. The color didn't match his pale skin but he rubbed it over his face coat after coat trying to hide the small brown splotches covering his face. The odd colors smeared across his white skin made the other kids giggle but kept them from using his face as a canvas.

As he got older and began to experience puberty the freckles only became more embarrassing for him. Other boys would laugh at him rejecting him saying they aren't into children or that his he didn't have the ugly freckles he might have a chance. Not only did it seem they gave him more of a youthful appearance but they were viewed as flaws by his peers. When he wasn't called firecrotch he was called the freckle freak. More than ever Hamish wished to hide his freckles but often could only cover his face and refuse to look at others.

Upon being delivered to the underground Hamish began to allow filth to coat his face trying to mask the freckles. Each one he labeled as a flaw that added to his disgusting appearance. What human would find the marks attractive?

[Hamish A. Stuart]

Feliciano Vargas and @peanut


An idea for Feli and HRE on manor because I'm cruel



HRE: I knew you were a boy and I loved you anyway

[Hamish A. Stuart]

Never having a home when being purchased Hamish is less trusting than any of the previous times. Every time he sees that no one wants to keep him proving he will always be nothing more than a toy for a short while. Being purchased by a government official only added to his distrust but he couldn't control who purchased him. For days he hid and starved himself afraid of accepting the food only to have it held over him as a reason for him to listen to the Frenchman. Over time his level of trust begins to grow until he's nearly inseparable from his owner. At times he goes so far to lash out if someone were to touch the blonde while he clings possessively to he man's arm. Hamish begins to notice that he has a home for the first time in his life. No longer does he have to question if he'll get to eat or even have a bed. After more time passes he begins to sleep on the floor next to the Frenchman's bed because he feels panicked when they aren't close. One night he climbs into the bed pressing his lips to Francis mumbling soft "Tha gràdh agam dhut"s (most intimate form of I love you in Gaelic) against Francis' soft lips. Enough trust was built for Francis to cut away the hair that hung down his back making him look normal once more.

Later on Mihai is purchased and moved into the house with them. Hatred form back in the manor arises again cause Hamish to lash out once more at the Romanian. Even now they were a traitor. Attention that used to be focused on him was now on Mihai as the two seemed to know each other from the past. Seeing that feelings appeared to build between the two Hamish slowly distanced himself. No longer did he proclaim his love for Francis. Instead he sat in silence whenever Mihai was in the room. Sometimes weeks would go without him speaking a single word. The upset killed his appetite causing him to barely eat if he did ingest any part of his meals. He slept on the couch or anywhere if it meant he wasn't next to Francis during the night, tears stained his cheeks each night as he cried himself to sleep. Seeing the bond grow more making Hamish snap and sneak out of the house while the two sleep. In a pile is all his money along with anything Francis ever purchased. At the base of the pile is a note apologizing for being a fool. Giving his tags to the guards he claims that his owner wished to return him. The guards beat the Scot before tossing him into a cell that lacks even a bed for him to sleep. He was in the same situation as when he met the Frenchman but yet his tears don't see to stop flowing.

[Hamish A. Stuart]

@albinobitch and @lalala145

Ever since Gil and Mat entered the underground part of Hamish wished they would realize they love each other and no with so they could be with someone that makes them happy instead of the friend they both probably only pity. Even with his love for the two Hamish believes the two only pity him. Before Gil was friends with Hamish he already had Mathias as a friend showing he was able to make friends unlike the pathetic ginger. If the two fell in love with each other he'd never worry that they returned for him. Finally Hamish could be alone just like he deserves.

[Deleted]

Contributing to the angst corner! : D Saw a quote on my dash that fit's Gil's attitude through his Weeds years perfectly uwu

“The hardest thing about depression is that it is addictive. It begins to feel uncomfortable not to be depressed. You feel guilty for feeling happy.” — Pete Wentz

[Hamish A. Stuart]

(I decided to add to Hamish's history. I'll just add to this post as I write the rest. I'm going to try to include things from threads or that have been plotted out. I'll add to it as the rp goes on.)

Birth

During the early morning of November 30th, 2032. Hamish Alasdair Stuart was born to a young unwed Scottish couple. Foolish mistakes were made that brought the small child into the world but the couple was determined to allow their mistake to become more than a shameful memory. Once born the redheaded infant was delivered to the waiting arms of his seventeen year old mother. His father, Gawain, couldn't stop grinning at the child who shared his brightly colored locks. Swelling with pride Gawain, the twenty-two year old father, didn't notice the demonic eyes acting as darkened mirrors; the shocked state of the mother made his attention snap to the child's face. In fear of this inhuman characteristic of her child her hands shoved at the infant's form and her lips parted to scream. What was believed to have been a mistake that would lead to a family was now believed to be the birth of a demonic creature. At the panic of his mother the infant began to whimper; his upset began to cause the shadows to slither around the room as if they had come to life. Realizing what was about to occur Gawain covers the mother's mouth to silence her scream and snatches to newborn from the shoving arms. Cradling the upset child against his chest he whispers coaxing words. Once calmed shadows stilled and black faded revealing wide green eyes that darted about the room.
Before birth Hamish was believed to be a life that brought the couple together leading them to the path of marriage but moments into his life he shattered any hope of a relationship for the young couple. To his mother Hamish was not deserving of love as he was viewed as a beast, however, the mutant boy was Gawain's pride and joy. Gawain was born to a broken family and viewed the odd child as his only true family. From birth his child looked almost identical to him but had two obvious traits from his mother: thick eyebrows and green eyes. Noticing how identical the infant was to him Gawain swelled with pride as he carried the child home. Not feeling the same affection for her first child the teenaged mother wrinkled her nose in disgust at the sight. She would never feel such pride for the child she believed to be inhuman.

During this time the young mother still lived with her parents and at the birth of her first child she fell into a depression. Having birthed a demon child the woman questioned if any of her foolish sins committed in youth gifted her a cursed womb. Gawain, on the other hand, used Hamish as his muse to climb the business ladder; he wished to provide for his newly born family. Time not stolen by the never ending business endeavors were dedicated to the infant and working his past lover from her depressed state. Nursing was the only care the mother provided for her growing child. During Gawain's absence due to work Hamish was left in the care of his grandparents.

[Hamish A. Stuart]

While working on replies the song My Obsession came on and boom headcanon for canon universe.

Hamish loves all of his siblings more than he should and to the point it's more of an obsession more than even just love for someone he's attracted to. Feeling disgusted with himself he never tells any of them how he feels and instead always sees them with someone else whom they love. With each break up he's always there to hold them as they cry telling each brother that there is someone out there who was born to be with them, secretly he wishes that person was him. Nothing else brings him the pleasure of seeing his brothers happy but nothing hurts him more than seeing that they are happy because of someone else. Deep down he knows no matter how much he pleads and begs God he will never be the one they obsess over.

[Hamish A. Stuart]

Puchi this is why I don't have friends